Any Time You Want
by sarahs-on-fire
Summary: A Frerard fic, jointly written by Sarah  for-reasons-insane on tumblr   and Liz  decimatedreams on tumblr   Frank and Gerard have to deal with the stress of suddenly living together... while in love.
1. Feathers

Gerard heard a knock at the door. Putting down his battered Superman comic, he navigated his way around his cluttered apartment to get it.

"Hey Gee... Jamia kicked me out. Could I crash with you for a while?" Asked a worn out looking Frank.

Frank was surprised at the Gerard that opened the door. He had been expecting a skinny waif in pajama pants and an old band tee, but what greeted him was quite different. This Gerard wore skinny jeans that were entirely too well-cut, showing off his body fantastically. Frank mentally thrashed himself for thinking this. But the jeans were not the most noticeable part of the ensemble. He wore a pink feather boa that clashed fantastically with his red hair, drawing all attention away from his well dressed lower half. His eyelashes looked suspiciously like they were sporting mascara.

"Yeah man, come in." Gerard responded, opening the door all the way.

Gerard kept a calm face but inside his stomach was turning somersaults. He and Frank had always been close and he'd had somewhat of a crush on him for a while but it had never progressed beyond harmless flirting and the occasional kiss onstage. He was starting to give up hope that it ever would.

"Thanks, I'll only be here for a couple of nights, hopefully"

Gerard nodded "You want some coffee? I just made a bowl."

Frank muttered something that sounded like a yes so Gerard moved into the kitchen, grabbed a mug and started to pour the steaming liquid into it. He reached into the cupboard and pulled out a bowl of sugar and creamer, balancing them carefully in his hands as he moved back into the shabby living room. He handed the mug to Frank, putting the creamer and sugar on the coffee table and sitting down on the soft leather couch next to him. He cast his eyes around his apartment. The coffee table was strewn with old comic books, cigarette butts and a half eaten slice of pizza from God knows when. He was embarrassed that Frank saw him living in this state. They sat in a comfortable silence for a while until Frank broke it,

"Sometimes you remind me of Jamia." he said, a bit absentmindedly. His eyes widened fractionally, as if he was afraid he had said the exact wrong thing. How could he bring up Jamia at a time like this? In Gerard's house?

Gerard laughed, looking only slightly taken aback "I've thought at times that I do look a bit like her, but you have to admit that that girl doesn't have half the sass that I do. Has she _ever_ worn a boa like this?" Gerard flipped the boa up and over his shoulder to emphasize, flicking his head back to move the hair out of his eyes. Frank put on his most casual manner in addressing that horrible pink atrocity Gerard had slung over his thin shoulders.

"Watch yourself, brother, you know how it turns me on when you wear women's clothing" He prayed Gerard couldn't hear the desperate plea in his voice, the slightly too casual air with which he spoke.

"Oh does it now?" Gerard asked, butterflies turning his stomach around. He reached around the back of the sofa and pulled out a couple more boas, flinging a few blue ones at Frank. He draped a black sparkly one around his arms and a couple of green ones on the back of the couch, fake feathers flying everywhere. Frank stared in relative amazement. Gerard seemed to be producing boas from thin air. There could have been hundreds tucked away in the couch cushions or under pillows. He couldn't help the laugh that escaped his lips as he tied another pink boa around Gerard's head like a turban. Laughing at himself, he removed it seconds after putting it on. Turbans were _definitely_ not Gerard's style. They blocked too much of that pretty face.

That face.

Frank nervously crossed his legs and directly avoided looking anywhere near Gerard's eyes. The pink feathers were utterly ridiculous. But they highlighted the even pinker flush that was creeping up Gerard's neck.

Gerard stared nervously at the ground for a while, wondering if this was all a dream. They had always been close friends but Gerard had never acted like this in front of Frank, besides on the stage. But that didn't count, they all acted differently on the stage on the stage. He dug around under the couch cushions for a while and pulled out a box of cigarettes. He stuck one in his mouth and started fumbling for a lighter.

"Gerard."

Gerard looked up in surprise, unlit cigarette dangling from his mouth. He unconsciously wrapped the pepto-bismol boa around his right hand.

"I... You look damn good in drag."

Oh god, why? Frank's mind withered in horror. What was he saying? He internally slapped his own hands with a ruler, harder than any catholic school nun would ever dare to. Gerard let out a surprised laugh. Why should Frank hold back? He looked like a proper fool already, and if he was going to be staying with Gerard... well, why not?

"Correction- you look hot. I kinda like it." Jesus fucking Christ, what was he doing. This was all wrong, SO wrong. He had promised himself these days were over, that the past was behind him. He took Gerard's carefully composed face in the best way he could. He inched ever so slightly closer to Gerard on the battered leather couch, ragged Superman comic lying forgotten on the paint-smeared coffee table.

Gerard's eyes widened a little and his heart started beating faster, was Frank flirting with him? He didn't know how to respond. He had played different versions of this over in his head before but never with intentions of it ever happening. His hands started nervously fiddling with the boas, he was surprised they weren't shaking.

Frank, operating nearly on autopilot, reached over to the multicolored plethora of feathers in Gerard's hands. He gently removed them, first a red one, then a blue one, then a green one with golden sparkles woven through it. Gerard began to nervously pick at his nails. Frank reached over in a stroke of boldness and firmly grasped Gerard's hand in his own. His heart hammered, and he half prayed that Gee would jerk his hand away and laugh it off. The other half wished desperately to cling to that hand with all of his strength.

Gerard looked up, his heart was sprinting in his chest, he wanted to pull Frank to him and kiss him. He always wanted to kiss Frank. Not like they kissed on stage. He wanted to truly kiss him. He had never thought that they actually would before this. He caught himself staring at Franks lips and automatically looked away. After a couple of awkward seconds he looked back at Frank.

"Hi, Frank" He said, although it came out barley audible.

"... Hi Gerard." Frank's brain was utterly blank, devoid of all coherent and rational thought. He didn't know where they stood now. He didn't know what Gerard wanted, what _he_ wanted. All he knew was he wanted that warm hand holding his. He wanted the arms attached to the hand. He wanted Gerard. This realization made him drop his eyes, a flush creeping silently up his neck. Surely Gerard could feel the embarrassed heat waves rolling off his face.

Gerard saw Frank blush. A smile crept onto his lips, Frank was adorable when he was embarrassed. Frank was always adorable.

"You look cute today, Frankie." He couldn't believe he just said that. It was like he didn't have any control of his brain. He moved his hand to cover his mouth but stopped when he saw a blush creep up Franks face.

Frank scuffed the toe of his beat up shoe against the polished wooden floor.

"You always look cute." he said. Goddamnit, there that blush was again. His face must have been glowing like a neon sign. Frank knew of only one way to combat these butterflies, this feeling. And his solution had worked in the past. He put on his bad boy attitude, coupling his own trademark form of flirting with the full knowledge that Gerard found his short stature adorable.

Gerard giggled nervously and pulled a feather out of the black boa on his lap.

Frank looked devilishly up at Gerard, cleverly masking his sheer nervousness. He noticed that there was a slight tremble in his hands from being this close to Gee, from playfully shoving him around. "What, do I make you nervous or something?" He winked brazenly at a considerably flustered Gerard.

Gerard's stomach flipped over onto itself. He could feel his hands shaking so he shoved them under a green boa.

"Yeah, a little..." He replied, his voice breaking. He frowned. His voice never cracked, he was a singer for fucks sake, his voice shouldn't crack.

Frank's insides turned to ice. He pulled away from Gerard, quickly moving to the opposite side of the couch, as far away as he could be without physically leaving. He and Gerard were now on opposite sides of the three cushion couch, separated by what seemed like miles.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to... I guess I got kind of carried away." He met Gee's eyes briefly, trying to convey all of his emotions in that one glance. _I'm sorry I make you nervous. I'm sorry I never told you before. I'm sorry things have to be this way. I'm so fucking sorry for every inch of pain I have ever caused you. I just want to be with you._ He broke his gaze and allowed his eyes to roam about the apartment. The news flashed by silently on the TV. Gerard must have been watching the atrocities of the world before he had come in. He sighed in defeat. He wouldn't make Gerard feel uncomfortable. He was in _his_ house, and he owed Gee far too much to be carried off by his own emotions.

Gerard was startled. He thought that Frank had understood that he made him nervous, but in a good way. In the way that you get nervous on a first date or, or with the guy that you want to have a first date with. He bit his lip and looked over at Frank on the other side of the couch.

"Come back Frankie," he said, pouting "it's a good kind of nervous"

Frank reassumed his cocky attitude with vigor. He slid even closer to Gerard than he had been before, sitting so they touched from hip to ankle.

"Well I'm certainly glad about that." He had never been exactly gifted with words. That was Gerard's area of expertise. He expressed himself musically, using his beloved guitar. He could have written a sixteen minute symphony to describe the feelings rushing over him in that moment, but he could not articulate it for the life of him. He had to trust that Gee would know how to read the glint in his eyes, or the slight pauses in his speech.

In another uncustomary moment of boldness, Frank leaned close to Gerard's ear, putting on his most sultry, seductive voice, playing it up ever so slightly so he could pass it off as a joke if need be.

"You know, Gerard, you're looking quite sexy tonight." He leaned slightly away and stared at the ceiling with the air of a child feigning innocence. He couldn't completely wipe the smile still playing about his lips. Out of the corner of his eye he could see a blush starting to creep its way up Gee's neck. He felt something brush his thigh and looked down to see Gerard's hand. Frank covered his hand with his own. He couldn't help but notice the way his slightly longer fingers fit perfectly between the spaces of Gerard's open hand. It was as if they had been specifically made to fit eachother. Frank was painfully aware of the slight tremble he felt in Gerard's palm.

"You know you can trust me, right?"

"I always have, Frankie." Gerard replied, his mind racing.

"Hey Gee?" Frank said, looking over at him

"Yeah?"

"You have something in your eye." Frank withered at the similarities of his role in the _I'm Not Okay_ music video and this moment. The speck of glitter danced tauntingly on Gerard's eyelash, begging to be removed. Frank leaned in toward Gerard's face, hand moving to brush off the offending object. He attempted to keep his breathing even and regular, though it seemed to be the loudest sound in the nearly silent room.

Gerard picked up on the similarities, too. He knew in the video that Frankie leans in, picks the thing out, and resumes the conversation as if nothing had happened. He braced himself as Frank leaned in and flicked the piece of glitter off his eyelash. He was prepared to resume the painfully awkward flirting that had been going on, but Frank's face lingered near his longer than necessary.

"Hi Gerard." he breathed.

On impulse, Gerard moved even closer, pressing their thighs together.

"Hi Frankie."

Frank traced one finger down the side of Gerard's face. He was stepping far over the line, and he knew it. At this point, he couldn't possibly turn back.

"You okay?" he asked. He didn't want to make Gerard anything like uncomfortable. But he also wanted him.

"Perfect." Gerard replied. And he was. Frank was here, this was happening.

Frank grinned, tapping him on the nose with his index finger.

"You certainly are."

Gerard's eyes clouded slightly with confusion. "You." said Frank. "You're perfect." Frank leaned in and traced his lips along Gerard's jawline, not quite kissing him. He drank in every inch of Gerard's soft skin, kissing him gently in the hollow right under his ear and jaw. He leaned back as Gerard inhaled sharply, cocking his head slightly to the side. He was asking for permission.

Gerard sat in confusion for a second before realizing that he was supposed to make the next move. He took a deep breath and moved his face closer to Franks.

Frank leaned in slowly, and tilted his head ever so slightly to the right. His eyelids seemed to become heavy of their own accord, and began falling shut. The sheer gravity of the moment struck him. He was about to kiss Gerard Way. This was the moment he had been waiting for since he had met Gee. And here he was, in his apartment, sitting on a torn old leather couch, surrounded by cheap comics and stale coffee. Frank placed a hand on the side of Gerard's face, his eyes fully closed. He felt Gee's breath playing across his lips, he felt the electricity in the air between them. He was like a middle schooler about to have their first kiss. He pressed his lips to Gerard's slowly and tenderly, kissing him in the soft way he had nearly forgotten existed. There was no lust, no pushing for more. This was what he wanted. Here and now. His head began to spin as Gerard began to kiss him back. Frank noticed his hand trembling against Gerard's face. Despite his attempts to hold steady, it remained shaky. In that moment, he didn't care.

Gerard breathed in the kiss, his hands moving slowly down Franks chest and lingering at the zippers of his leather jacket. He pressed himself even closer to Frank, leaving no room between them. His hands continued to play with the tip of his jacket as the kiss deepened.

Frank reached up and brushed a few stray locks of hair out of Gerard's face, tucking playfully behind his ear.

"You have lovely eyes, you know that?" He knew it probably sounded stupid and juvenile, but he had been dying to say it. Gerard's eyes were one of the first things Frank had noticed about him. Frank was doing his best to maintain his composure as Gerard tugged at the front of his jacket. He leaned back, giving Gerard open access to anything he felt like adjusting. Jacket included. And, Frank noticed, feeling particularly devious, Gerard's eyes darted up and down his body, stopping for fractions of a second in all the right places.

The tips of Gerard's ears turned pink from the compliment. He felt like a school girl, this feeling at this pit of his stomach was ridiculous.

"I've always thought that about you, Frankie."

Frank blushed. He adored when Gerard called him Frankie, though he would rather die than admit it.

A grin paraded itself across Frank's face of his own accord. How could he possibly be using one of Gerard's lyrics on him at a time like this? Though, he thought to himself, it was rather clever of him.

"Kiss me, you animal."

He pulled Gerard forward by the tips of his pink boa, pressing their mouths together. Despite handling Gee a little more roughly, he still felt nothing but tenderness for the man in front of him. A thought began to flit around the back of his head. The thought that he had had for years but never directly admitted to himself.

Gerard, caught off guard by Franks forwardness, let a startled noise escape him as his body was pressed into Frank's. Frank took this as a sound of approval and deepened the kiss. He grazed Gerard's lower lip with his teeth, and smiled internally as he heard a slightly strangled sigh escape Gerard's lips. Gerard smiled into the kiss and wrapped his arms around Franks neck.

"Now Gerard," Frank said with slightly mocking sternness, "You are downright _beautiful_ when you smile, but your teeth get in the way! Makes it a little difficult to kiss you" He grinned and kissed the tip of Gee's nose, then kissed his way back to right around his ear. "Though I could think of some fun things we could do with those lovely teeth of yours." Frank threw in an exaggerated wink for good measure.

Gerard was filled with a sudden happiness. He could think of nothing but Frank and what was happening right now. He heard a giggle and a second later realized that it has come out of his own mouth. He moved his hands slowly down Frank's back. Frank stood up and pulled Gerard to his feet. The difference in height was more accentuated this way, but neither party was bothered by this. Frank looked up through is eyelashes at Gee and stood up on his tiptoes to kiss him on the same level. He had one arm slung loosely around Gerard's waist, as the other trailed delicately from the nape of Gerard's neck down dangerously close to his tattered belt in the small of his back. He was rewarded as a small shudder ran it's way through Gerard's body.

Frank kept one arm around Gerard's waist and brought the other up to lay flat against his chest. Time froze for a moment as he felt Gee's heartbeat against his hand, a perfect reassurance of everything he had hoped. This wasn't a dream, this was perfect reality. The moment passed and Frank applied gentle pressure to Gerard's chest, moving him slowly to an available patch of wall. Once Gerard's back was only a few inches away, he applied the full force of his weight against that chest, shoving Gee back against the wall with a satisfying muffled crash. He heard Gerard's sudden intake of breath and wondered for a moment if he had actually hurt him. He broke the kiss and looked concernedly into his eyes.

"You okay...?" His sentence trailed off awkwardly. He had just barely silenced the 'baby' that was longing to attach itself to the end of that question.

Gerard, not trusting himself enough to speak, nodded and moved back in to kiss Frank.

Frank was relieved. The thought was there again, prickling around the edges of his mind, refusing to be ignored. Why should he care of Gerard got a little banged up in the process? Things were better rough, right?

For some reason, Frank was not convinced. The thought of hurting Gee, even accidentally, even if Gee wanted him to, asked him to, was unbearable. Frank kissed him with a passion he himself didn't know he possessed. It was as if he was trying to apologize for those long years of silence. He was apologizing for every time he had looked away, every sarcastic comment he had made. Apologizing to himself for being so afraid... But here he was. There was no doubting what he was feeling

"You have no idea how long I've been waiting to kiss you properly..." Even the brief time he had taken to speak seemed like a century. He couldn't deny Gerard's hungry lips, and resigned himself from attempting to speak unless it was absolutely crucial.

"I could say the same about you, Frankie." Gerard whispered, his heart frantically skipping beats as he took it all in. He was kissing Frank. _He was kissing Frank. _

. "You don't have to." Frank's kisses spoke for him. But one word remained on the tip of his tongue, clinging to his last sentence.

"... baby."


	2. Coffee, Steam, and Rock & Roll

Gerard stood leaning against the dirty counter, doodling on a used napkin in his poorly lit kitchen. A cigarette hung dejectedly from his lips as his hands flitted across the paper, the ink from his pen pooling in the rough shape of Frank's face. Thoughts raged in his head. He didn't know where Frank and himself stood. He didn't know if Frank felt the same way about him as he felt about Frank. Which was... He didn't know exactly how he felt about Frank but he knew that he had meant everything he had done last night. He wanted to be with Frank, to listen to Frank, to kiss Frank. He wanted Frank. He raised his eyebrows at this realization, staring down at the crude sketch on the napkin in front of him and wondering if he had always felt this way.

Frank lay on the tattered old couch, eyes following water lines and cracks in the old plaster ceiling. He was utterly out of his depth. Here he was, sleeping in the house of a man he had harbored feelings for for years, pretending to be uninterested. He didn't know how to read the kiss of last night. Friends kissed sometimes. Frequently, actually. This was nothing more than friendship. He tried to reason himself into a rational, friendly explanation of the events of the night before. But he was unable to. His thoughts were clouded by a certain artistic genius he heard banging around in the kitchen. Frank sighed and sat up.

A second later, a bleary looking Frank broke the silence that had lain heavy on the house since last night.

"Hey Gerard?" He called, his voice hoarse with sleep.

Gerard turned and looked through the doorframe between the kitchen and living room. His stomach was invaded by a swarm of butterflies at the sight of Frank, wearing only pajama pants and a lopsided grin. His hair was tousled and his eyes bleary, which somehow only seemed to enhance his look.

"Yeah, Frankie?" He finally responded.

"Is that coffee I smell?"

"Yeah."

Frank's eyes lit up at the idea of fresh coffee. He had been drinking instant coffee mix for weeks and longed for something with actual substance.

"Can I have some?" He asked.

"Of course not." Gerard responded, sarcastically chiding him.

"Pretty please?" Frank asked.

Gerard let out an over dramatic sigh. "Well I guess. Only if..." He trailed off, his brain stopping him, still afraid of rejection. He cleared his throat and turned away, desperately hoping Frank would let it drop.

"Finish that sentence." Frank put on his bossiest voice as he yelled out to the kitchen again.

Gerard's face flushed a bright red as he turned back to the living room.

"Come here." He said, his voice barley cracking. A part of him tried to grab back the words as they left his mouth, another part rejoiced that he had finally said it.

Frank stood up from the couch with far more energy than was necessary for such an ungodly hour of the morning. He threw the blankets back from his rumpled pajama pants, stood up, and stretched. He moved to walk towards towards Gerard, but had neglected to untangle his feet from the web of blankets. He tripped on his first step, stumbling comically forward. He stood up and straightened his hopelessly wrinkled clothes with a grin and walked the rest of the short distance between them.

"Yes?" He said, drawing the single syllable out far longer than was necessary. His face was full of a justified smugness. Perhaps he did have some idea of the effect he had on Gerard.

Gerard grabbed Frank by the elastic on his pajama pants and pulled him down next to him.

"You can have coffee. But only if I get one of these." He leaned in and gave Frank a quick peck on the lips, hoping that he understood the silent request behind the kiss.

Frank panicked. Again. He was unsure of what Gerard wanted. With all of their previous flirting and stage kisses, he had no idea how to interpret this gesture. He was internally halted. He resorted to his constant companion, humor. Often the easiest way to break the ice. Or at least, a gentler way to ask the questions that dry words could never articulate. He smiled at Gerard, carefully disguising the flutter of his heart and the sudden drop in his stomach at the feeling of Gerard's lips against his cheekbone.

"Well..." he said, appearing to think long and hard about Gerard's proposition. Every part of his mind screamed in affirmation, but he bid himself to retain his composure. "No can do." Biggest lie he had ever told in his life. He saw Gerard's face fall slightly, so he grasped wildly at an attempt to save the situation. "But would one of these suffice?" He playfully kicked Gerard in the ass with a shoeless foot, the sort of gesture that could go between friends and not cause any serious stir. Easily interpreted as friendly, but also easily viewed... otherwise.

** "**Yeah, sure." Gerard responded, forcing a small smile onto his lips. He tried to keep his voice light but could hear the barley disguised pain in it. He was slowly beginning to think that last night hadn't meant much to Frank. Maybe he regarded it as something that he could just shake off. It was stupid to think that Frank Iero of all people could feel something for him.

Frank turned his back toward Gerard, painfully aware of the slight injection of hurt in his voice. He knew Gerard didn't mean the kiss as friendly now. He busied himself with rooting through the dirty dishes in the sink, moving as if to rinse a few of them. He kept Gee in the corner of his vision the entire time, waiting until he was no longer looking at Frank. 

Gerard stared a Frank's back for a bit, waiting for him to turn around and tell him he was wrong, that he wanted him as much as Gerard wanted him. After a couple seconds he turned and started rifling through the cupboards, for a lack of anything better to do. **T**he moment Gerard's attention shifted from Frank, he whirled around as quickly as he possibly could and threw his arms around his shoulders. He felt Gee's shoulders tense in response, and he hoped he wasn't stepping over some unspoken line. He went up on his tiptoes to be closer to even in height and kissed the side of Gerard's neck. He couldn't see his reaction, as he was hugging him from behind, but the sharp intake of breath served as all the confirmation he needed. Satisfied with his antics, he released his bear hug and stepped back with a million dollar grin splitting across his face. Gerard stopped rearanging things and turned toward Frank, confused and happy at the same time. Frank hugged him again, from the front this time. He noted the way his head fit perfectly into the space beneath Gerard's chin. He snuggled his way into the embrace, then drew back to look upward at the slightly stunned face above him, framed dramatically by tousled red hair. He wore a happily expectant face that could have melted the heart of a serial murderer.

"So... Can I have some coffee now?"

Gerard didn't know what to say. He looked down at Frank, who seemed to think nothing had just happened. He didn't know what to say what to do. He wanted to grab Frank and kiss him, he wanted to punch him for making this so difficult. But instead he silently kissed his forehead and nodded, gesturing toward the small white coffee maker. Frank took the opportunity to happily invade Gerard's kitchen. He rummaged around in drawers and cupboards, looking for coffee beans and filters. He knew where everything was already, so it was a short process. He dragged out measuring the beans for longer than he could have easily explained as unfamiliarity with the situation. Once he gained the nerve to speak, he addressed Gerard without directly looking at him.

"I have a question," he declared, staring very intentionally at the brown beans in front of him.

Detecting the serious change in tone, Gerard quickly pivoted and once again busied himself rearranging the cupboard.

"Yes?"

"About yesterday..."

Gerard panicked, this was when Frank would tell him he wasn't interested. This was when he would get let down again. He paused as he realized he was whispering these things aloud and prayed that Frank hadn't heard him.

"What about it?" He finally asked.

Frank froze. The sound of the boiling water in the coffee maker had drowned out the slight whisper he heard behind him. He turned around and met Gerard's eyes.

"No, you go first." He said a little too hurriedly. "I didn't hear the first part over the coffee maker, sorry."

"I didn't say anything. What about last night?"

Frank let his gaze linger on Gerard. His worry must have shown through in his eyes. He desperately hoped it hadn't been some expletive of indignation about the events that had transpired. He exhaled and ran a calloused hand over his worn face, preparing to ask the question that could destroy his relationship with Gerard forever, platonic or not.

"I was wondering..." He paused. He didn't know how to ask.

"Well what i mean is..." He leaned against the counter and suddenly appeared very interested in the grain of the wood at his feet. He was aware of a hot flush creeping its way up his face.

"Did you mean it?"

Gerard was suddenly overwhelmed by the amount of things he could say at this moment. He hoped Frank was asking because he felt the same was as Gerard did. He hoped with everything he had that this was true. He didn't know though. But it's always better to be honest, right? He asked himself. He decided to be honest, he decided to take a leap.

"Yes." He said. It was barley audible but he had still said it.

Frank sighed with relief. That was the answer to everything he had ever wished for. He resolved not to press the issue. The coffee maker had finished, and he poured mugs for the two of them. He handed Gerard the black Metallica mug while choosing to keep the paint-staind SVA one for himself. He met Gerard's eyes as he handed him the mug, and found himself nearly hyperventilating as their fingers touched and the mug was transferred from hand to hand. He maintained eye contact, wanting Gerard to see the honesty with which he spoke.

"So did I."

Gerard's heart turned flips in his chest. A grin broke out onto his face and without breaking eye contact with Frank, he took a slow sip out of his mug.

The coffee sat untouched in Frank's hand. He looked steadily back at Gerard.

"Now what?" Gerard asked.

With his heart racing like a twelve year old, Frank set down his coffee. He slid a few inches down the counter to be closer to Gee.

"I was kind of wondering the same thing."

He smiled slightly evilly. Without warning, he formed a mental picture of himself. He must have been disgusting. He hadn't showered for days, was bruise covered and had dirt under his fingernails. How could be hitting on someone like Gerard in _this _state? He felt more than slightly embarrassed. Changing topics abruptly, he looked at Gee.

"Could i use your shower? It's been a while since I've been properly clean."

"I was actually thinking the same thing." Said Gerard. He actually couldn't remember the last time he had been in the shower. Maybe a week or so ago. He didn't know.

Frank hid his mortification with humor "Damn, I didn't think I smelled THAT bad!" He pretended to be hopelessly offended. "Like a knife through my heart! Good thing I'm not a teenage girl, otherwise I'd be sobbing about this for weeks!"

"About myself, silly." Gerard responded, smiling.

All rational thought stopped. If Frank was correct, and he usually was, Gerard had just indirectly asked him to shower together. But surely not, surely this was his imagination. Clearing his throat awkwardly, he attempted to save what he could of the situation.

"...Ah." Fucking smooth. Why did he have to be so utterly inept with words?

"Right. Well I suppose I'll let you go first, I don't want to steal all your hot water." Yes he did. But he wouldn't admit it. He distracted himself by picking at a frayed thread in the elastic strap at the top of his tattered plaid pajama pants. Another mental kick. Why could he not have some half attractive clothes? It looked like he was wearing his grandmother's old tartan.

"You know my water bill's been pretty high the past months, we should probably try to save a much water as we can.." Said Gerard, propelled by the knowledge that Frank had felt the same thing he had last night. There actually was chemistry between them.

There was no doubt about it now, Gerard was attempting to talk him into the shower with him. But no, Frank would take it too far. He couldn't be trusted with a very hot, very unclothed Gerard in such close proximity. He fumbled for something to say, some way out of this situation he had absolutely no desire to leave.

"Understandable, I'll just wait another few days! There's nothing a cloud of Axe can't suffocate."

Gerard forced a smile out onto his lips. His brain was turning circles on itself. He didn't know why Frank would tell him that he meant last night but so blatantly reject him right after he confirmed that. He walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind him, a frown plastered onto his face. He turned on the water as hot as it would go and started undressing. He chewed on his lip, letting confusion completely fill him up. As the mirrors started to fog up, he stepped into the shower and let the scorching water erase all the feelings in him.

Frank sat on the living room couch, poised for action. He had gotten a brilliant idea in the passing time between leaving Gerard and this instant. He heard the shower start and sprung into action. He had been to Gerard's apartment before, and knew he had some musical equipment buried under the leather jackets and feather boas. He managed to scrounge up a shitty old amp and a half decent guitar (A guitar he had never seen before. He briefly wondered where it had come from) and a few old cables. He dragged all of the heavy equipment right outside the bathroom door, plugging the amp into a single outlet on the wall. He turned every knob up as far as it would go, ensuring a foundation-shattering level of noise. He vaguely wondered if the guitar was even tuned. He began giggling to himself. He couldn't help it, he was fucking brilliant! What better way to break the awkward silence that had fallen than with a little dose of rock and roll. He hit the opening chord of "Pour Some Sugar On Me" and was immensely satisfied by the nearly overwhelming volume that hit the bathroom as he kicked the door open.

The screaming notes of guitar shook Gerard from his trance-like state, he frowned as his mind tried to piece together what was happening. He finally grasped that Frank was playing for him, and all the feelings that he had been feeling were eaten up by happiness and hilarity. He peeked out from behind the shower curtain to see Frank, still clothed in his pajamas, bouncing around playing a guitar that he had dug up from god-knows-where in his usual crazy manner. Gerard watched for a second before grabbing a towel and wrapping it around his waist. He stepped out of the shower just as Frank started singing.

"_Razzle and a dazzle and flash a little light, television lover, baby, go all night, sometime, anytime, sugar me sweet, little miss innocent sugar me, yeah!"_ He was laughing uncontrollably which affected most of the lyrics but his guitar playing was amazing, as usual.

"_Hey! C'mon, take a bottle, shake it up, break the bubble, break it up, pour some sugar on me, Ooh in the name of love pour some sugar on me, C'mon fire me up, pour your sugar on me ,oh, I can't get enough!"_ Gerard laughed as Frank jumped off the amp and started head banging as he went into a solo.

"You're going to piss the neighbors off!" Gerard yelled over the noise, laughing.

"What?" Frank yelled back, "I can't hear you!" He was grinning uncontrollably.

Gerard laughed and picked up from where Frank had left off, "_I'm hot, sticky sweet from my head down to my feet!"_

"Yeah i know you are!" Frank yelled out in response to the lyrics Gerard was singing, hoping he would continue.

"Red light, yellow light, green-a-light go! Crazy little woman in a one man show, mirror queen, mannequin, rhythm of love, sweet dream, saccharine, loosen up. You gotta squeeze a little, squeeze a little, tease a little more, easy operator come knocking on my door, sometime, anytime, sugar me sweet, little miss innocent sugar me, yeah, yeah give a little more" Practically yelled Gerard, he wasn't used to singing without a microphone.

Frank leaned in toward Gee's face, looking ecstatically mischievous.

"You want me to WHAT?" He winked shamelessly at Gerard

Gerard laughed, letting the adrenaline of singing and playing with Frank sink in. He leaned in to Frank, looking him right in the eyes and resumed singing.

"Pour some sugar on me ooh, in the name of love pour some sugar on me. C'mon fire me up-"

By this point, Frank was fully engaged and devoid of any hesitation. He walked over to Gerard and playfully licked him in the dead center of his chest and started moving upwards. Gee threw his head back as Frank passed over his throat, up to his chin. He pulled away, laughing as he continued to play.

"pour your sugar on me oh, I can't get enough" Gerard continued, his voice an octave higher.

Frank suddenly cut off playing, amused at the degree of effect his one little touch had had.

"What, changing keys on me there?" He threw in another wink for good measure. Why the hell not? Clearly their flirting knew no limits. Even in pajamas and towels, they were still ridiculously badass. Frank couldn't help but feel immensely pleased with the situation. He wondered if it was indeed real.

Gerard, the adrenaline leaving him, blushed and nervously grinned. He looked over at Frank as he set down his guitar, failing to turn off the amp. The tinny, clangy feedback reverberated throughout the entire apartment complex. Frank didn't care, and the amp remained on. Looking casually away, he called out to Gerard, suppressing a grin.

"Hey Gee?"

Gerard, not trusting his voice enough around Frank, looked over questioningly. Frank thought the grin on his face was going to become permanent.

"... Check your towel."

Gerard looked down, not surprised to find that his towel had slipped after all the singing and jumping. He was, however, surprised that he didn't blush or look away. He just slowly moved the towel over to cover himself again. Maybe it was because he knew that they were beyond the point of just friends.

" I mean, you don't have to cover yourself up or anything if you don't want to... i was just pointing it out"

Gerard just laughed quietly, he didn't really know how to respond.

For the sake of all that was good and holy, Frank knew he had to leave. He flipped his hair sassily out of his eyes.

"Well, I had better go eat some breakfast. just thought I'd... say hi." He took one long last look at Gerard, giving his eyes the luxury of roaming wherever they chose for a few brief moment. He turned and walked partway out of the room, pausing to look back with a loaded smile. He then whirled on his heel and clomped his way down the hall, on a quest for food.

Gerard had already turned away from the doorway, just missing Frank punching his fist into the air as he strutted down the hall.


	3. Celery

Frank sat thinking on Gerard's couch. The shower ran in the background, vaguely reminding him of the waves of the ocean, for no particular reason, just the safe feeling of the constant rush of sound. The hiss of the water was broken only by the occasional lilting sound of Gerard's voice. Frank smiled slightly to himself. How appropriate that Gerard sang in the shower. This was a detail he had never known, but didn't surprise him in the least.

His thoughts turned to his current… predicament? Situation? He couldn't quite find a word to describe what was happening. His life had fallen to pieces. Jamia had thrown him out of the house and broken his heart. He had spent that night in an alcohol induced stupor, crashing in a hotel room he couldn't afford. He found himself broke, homeless, and ridiculously hungover. He stumbled to Gerard's doorstep after downing more Advil than was advisable, or probably even legal in most states. He was ashamed that Gerard had seen him in that state. He was even more shocked at his own behavior. The kiss with Gerard hadn't been something he had planned. It was more of his desperate cry to be reassured, to be saved. He had been harboring feelings towards Gee for years, since before he had even joined the band. He openly admitted that he had started his career with My Chemical Romance as nothing but a fan, but he conveniently neglected to mention that he was a fan primarily for their lead singer. When he knocked hollowly on his door, he was expecting to be rather ambivalently given a place on the couch by a cranky Gerard he had awoken in the middle of the night. He was surprised at the welcome he had received.

But surprised wasn't the word he was looking for. Delighted, awe-struck, and dizzied seemed to be more appropriate for the feeling the soft touch of Gerard's lips had left with him. He seemed to be walking in a hazy gray that was suspended weightlessly between reality and a dream world, because clearly this could only happen in a dream. Only in a dream could Gerard Way actually look at him twice, or give him that special smile he had never seen before today. Frank heard the shower turn off and the slightly off-beat singing stop. He sighed and pressed his face into his hands, attempting to force his mind to behave, to somehow shove himself back into reality. He shouldn't be this happy. He didn't deserve to be this happy.  
>Gerard stepped out of the shower, the steam swirling around his shoulders as he grabbed a towel from the rack in front of him. He quickly dried himself off and slipped on a pair of jeans and a soft old Batman t-shirt. He didn't know why, but he felt great. Like all the bad things had been wiped away. It probably had something to do with the fact that Frank Iero was living with him at the moment. That he had kissed him. But as far as Gerard was concerned, it didn't matter <em>why<em> he was happy, it just mattered that he _was_ happy. And he was, he was really truly happy for the first time in a long while.

He reveled in this, humming ACDC songs and drying his hair, nothing but the music running through his mind. He was happy. Unwrapping the towel from his head, he padded into the living room, the soft carpet silencing his steps.

"Hey Frankie," He said, surprised to find Frank still lounging on the couch.

Frank started slightly at the sound of Gerard's voice. He had walked in nearly silently. Frank couldn't help himself from noticing just how good Gerard's towel dried red hair looked, still slightly damp and plastered to his forehead.

"Hi!" He greeted him happily. "Good shower, I'm assuming?"

"Great shower. How about you? Good...sit?

Frank laughed at Gerard's attempt at causal conversation. After their musical antics, he didn't know how Gee was keeping a half-composed face. He answered in his usual manner, taking the question as seriously as he took most things; not seriously at all.

"Quite a good sit," he responded. "Just, you know, watching paint dry and other fascinating things like that." His voice held nothing but warm humor.

Gerard looked around his shabby old apartment, particularly at the paint that was beginning to chip off near the walls.  
>"I probably should paint." He said speculatively.<p>

"Why?" Frank asked, "It looks fabulous!" He immediately blushed as the word 'fabulous' escaped him. He was spending too much time around Gerard, to whom the word 'fabulous' was used quite often.

"I mean, you know," He said, coughing, "it's cool."

Gerard stared at Frank in confusion for a while. He was bad at picking up on his tones, whether he was being sarcastic or not.

"Was that sarcastic or does my dump genuinely appeal to you?" He asked.

"Genuine approval! It's far from a dump. It's actually somewhere I'd want to live!" Frank blurted out without thinking. A second later he realized what he had just said and scrambled to switch the direction of the conversation.

"You know, with the whole laid back atmosphere and musical shit everywhere. I like the kind of worn out feel" He said, a blush turning the tips of his ears momentarily pink.

Gerard was even more confused that he had been before. He raised his eyebrows at Frank, trying to find the hidden messages and under played tones in his voice. He stood there for a while before finally giving up.

"Okay. Well I'll just go pretend to be busy while I work that out in my head." He said, turning away.

"Hey man, I didn't mean that in a bad way! I'm trying to compliment your visual design prowess!" Frank called after Gerard, who was quickly retreating into the kitchen.

Gerard laughed, struck by how Frank seemed to genuinely like his beat up, run down apartment. He hadn't done a thing to decorate it since he had bought it from a young guy whose name he didn't even remember.

"Frankie dear I literally haven't done anything to this apartment since I moved in except bring in a couch and a bed. Sorry to break that on you."

Frank's heart skipped a beat at Gerard's casual drop of the endearment "Frankie." Before he had a chance to recover, his heart seemed to stop at the word "dear." His head began to spin slightly, even though he was sitting down. All hope of coherent conversation was gone.

Attempting to continue his train of thought, he stammered something about how well the couch and the bed matched, even though they didn't match at all.

Gerard laughed quietly at how obviously flustered Frank was, he liked being able to make him feel that way. He casually walked the remaining distance into the small kitchen and started rummaging through the assortment of foods in his fridge, wondering where some of it came from.  
>"You want food?" He called out to Frank, "I've got cereal, and mangoes. I think I have some sausages too, although those may be rotten."<p>

Frank stared at Gerard's back through the kitchen door. Truth be told, he was starving. He hadn't eaten in... well, over a day and a half. And for Frank, it might as well have been a week. He would have eaten a horse at this point.

"Mangoes?" He yelled back. "What other kind of crazy shit do you eat?"

Gerard continued digging through his fridge, "Don't insult the shit I eat. It's my shit. You don't have to eat it if you have a problem with it." He said, pretending to be insulted.

Frank was taken aback by Gerard's sudden sharpness. He attempted to save the situation as best he could. After all, he was starving.

"No that's not what I meant! It's just such an awesomely eclectic collection, I was genuinely curious about what else you had in that magical fridge of yours"

Gerard pulled out a stick of celery which he set on the counter, and a cup of pudding. He leaned against the counter as he pulled off the lid of the pudding, scooping it into his mouth.

"My refrigerator is yours. Go for it."

Frank laughed in sheer relief that Gerard was feeding him. He felt like a pathetic stray, begging for food. But he really did enjoy celery. He grabbed the green stalk off the counter.

"Celery! My absolute favorite! How'd you know?" He couldn't help but keep the jokingly sarcastic tone from his voice. He began chomping on the celery as loudly as was humanly possible, reminding Gerard of a rabbit.

"Did you just steal my celery?" Gerard asked in an accusing tone as he raised his eyebrows at Frank.

Frank's eyes winded, his cheeks bulging with the celery he had neglected to swallow. He forced a "Nope!" through his plant filled mouth and swallowed it all in one gulp, looking slightly sheepish.

"I don't like it when people eat my celery. Please give it back." Gerard said, pretending to be as serious as possible as he looked Frank in the eyes. He hoped that Frank would pick up on the tones in his voice that were all but begging him to to take him into his arms. Gerard cringed at the sheer juvenile sound of the thought in his own mind.

Frank caught on to the playful edge in Gerard's voice. He chose to play along.

"Looks like you're going to have to come get it."

Gerard wanted to run over to Frank but he pretended to think it over for a bit before walking slowly over to where he was perched on the counter.

Frank's breathing accelerated as his eyes hooked on Gerard. His gaze was magnetic, and Frank found himself unable to look away.

"Can I please have my celery?" Gerard breathed in Frank's ear, tilting his chin up toward him.

A slight shiver ran down Frank's back. Gerard's gaze alone had the ability to render him senseless. Attempting to control some small manner of his composure, he decided to toy with Gerard. Which was only fair, given Gerard's complete anihiliation of any measure of self control he once possessed.

"Come on now, you'll have to ask more nicely than that." Lies, lies. Frank would have done nearly anything for Gerard in that moment.

Gerard nipped the lobe of Frank's ear, "Pretty please?" he whispered.

Frank exhaled a little too quickly. He turned to look at Gerard, shocked by the small distance between their faces. His brain shorted out from the gentle feel of Gerard's whisper on his skin.

"Only if you beg me," Frank whispered.

"I am." Gerard replied. And he was, as much as Gerard could beg. He wanted Frank, he needed him. He just couldn't fathom even trying to express that to him.

Frank saw Gerard's skin begin to flush. He slid lithely off the counter and wrapped himself around him, kissing the side of his neck with the lightest touch he could manage.

"No you're not. You're not begging yet. This is asking."

Gerard breathed out as Frank's lips met his neck. He couldn't stand this, being so close to Frank and not having him.

"I really need that...celery, Frankie. Please, I'm begging you." He said in a strangled voice.

Those were the words Frank had been waiting to hear. He pulled Gerard against him, kissing him more roughly than he had before, even on stage. He was having far too much fun with one measly vegetable.

"Sorry, what was it you wanted?" He asked Gerard, in a drippingly sweet voice that left none of his intentions to question. "Celery?" He asked, kissing the hollow right above Gerard's collarbone, and slowly worked his lips down Gerard's chest, over the slightly faded Batman tee. "Or was there something else?"

"I'm starting to think there might have been something else. I don't really remember now though." Gerard replied. And in truth, he really didn't. Kissing Frank wiped his mind of everything that had been going on.

Frank pulled back, meeting Gerard's eyes, his voice heavily laden with sarcasm.

"Oh sorry," he said, with the air of someone who was sorry about absolutely nothing, "was I distracting you?"

Gerard frowned slightly. He didn't know how to respond. He didn't know if Frank was playing with him or not. He couldn't read into the tones in his voice.

"No. I liked how you were a couple seconds ago." He finally said.

Frank took his reaction as pure encouragement. His heart picked up even faster than it had been.

"Yeah? What about this?" Frank stared deliberately and directly into Gerard's eyes, tracing one finger delicately from his collar bone to rest a dangerously small distance above his belt buckle. He saw Gerard's eyes widen fractionally and heard his sharp intake of breath in reaction to his touch. He couldn't help but smirk good-naturedly.

Gerard's heart beat picked up as Frank's finger made it's way slowly down his chest. It was almost physically painful for him to have Frank this close without anything going on. He wanted to reply but he couldn't force the words out of his throat.

"That...that's good too" He finally managed.

Frank saw the desperation in Gerard's eyes. He was all too carried away, feeling shameless. He grabbed Gerard's belt buckle and pulled sharply up, but not quite enough to actually hurt him. He was teasing him, and he knew he liked it.

"Yeah? You sure it's good?" Frank could see all reason and rationality leaving Gerard.

Gerard grunted softly. He nodded his head and managed something that vaguely sounded like a yes, fully beyond the point of talking.

In that moment, Frank realized what he was doing. He had been so caught up in the moment, so blissfully happy; he had forgotten that this was reality. He couldn't do this. Not with Gerard. He felt the grin slide from his face. He released Gerard and stepped quickly away, turning around. He always fucked up, always.

"I'm sorry... I got carried away, again." He felt a hot prickling behind his eyes. Oh god, not now. He didn't have time to deal with tears now.

Gerard was startled. He didn't know why Frank had turned away from him. He stood still for a minute as his brain tried to catch up with what was happening. He stepped forward slowly, bracing himself for rejection. He laid one of his hands on Frank's hip, resting his chin on a shoulder.

"It's okay to get carried away." He said quietly.

Frank whirled around, dislodging Gerard's head from his shoulder more roughly than he intended to. Tears shone in his eyes

"Why? Why is it okay?"

Gerard's mind reeled. He scrambled for something, anything to say.

"Because I...I like you. I really like you..." He trailed off.

"I think I love you." Gerard whispered before he knew what he was doing. Once he said it though, he didn't regret it. He didn't try to take it back like he would have before. He just bit his lip and waited for Frank's reaction.

Frank froze where he stood.

"_What?_" He wasn't sure if he had heard Gerard correctly. He couldn't bear to have his mind play such a cruel trick on him at this point.

Gerard's face fell. He took it for rejection, maybe even disgust. He stepped away quickly, turning around, his mind shutting down. He blurted out the first excuse that came to mind that would get him out of the apartment, away from Frank.

"Um, I've got to, run some errands. I have to...go to the, um, grocery store. Yeah. I'll talk to you later." He said, backing up. He practically ran out of the kitchen and toward the front door. He fumbled with the handle for a while before finally getting it. Once out in the hallway, he leaned his back against the door, resting his head in his hands. He didn't know how to feel. His emotions were too cluttered and all he could do was play what had just happened on repeat in his mind over and over.

As the door slammed, Frank recovered halfway from the shock he was in and tore through the living room in search of his phone. He finally found it and snapped it open, dialing Gerard as fast as his shaking fingers would allow.

Gerard, still leaning against the door right outside, didn't process that his phone was ringing in time to actually answer it. He didn't care though. He didn't want to talk to anyone right now, he just wanted to be alone.

Frank heard Gerard's phone ring just on the other side of the door. He almost sprinted across the room and opened the door, pulling a shocked looking Gerard against him before he got the chance to run away.

"I love you, Gerard."

Gerard's whole world turned around in that moment. He went from being utterly alone, to being intensely not alone. His heart skipped a few beats in his chest. His mind tried to find the right words, but there were none.  
>"I..." He tried to string more words onto the lone pronoun, but none followed.<p>

"I know." Frank replied, as he leaned in and kissed Gerard right on the lips.

Gerard's eyes fell shut; he wanted to cry from relief. He wanted to hug Frank to him and never let him go.

"Thank you." He said. _Thank you for all the times you picked me up when I was down. Thank you for being there, for loving me when no one else did. Thank you for being my friend, for being more. Thank you. Thank you. _  
>"No, Gerard. Thank you. You've saved me."<p>

And he had.


	4. Flint

Frank listened as Gerard's footsteps receded through the halls. He had no idea where he was going. Presumably to get some air, or take a walk to clear his head. He allowed his legs to slowly cease supporting him, sliding slowly downward with his back pressed against the door, shirt catching slightly on the peeling paint. He sat on the scuffed wood floor, head between his hands.

He reflected on how he had gotten here. Before he had ever met Gerard. His mind flashed back to his childhood. Sun-filled memories danced around his mind, half-remembered jokes and scuffed up knees. The pair of shoes they had soaked in gasoline and set fire to that summer night, holeing up in snow forts for hours. The games of hide and seek in the abandoned houses after dark, the lectures they received upon coming home. So many brilliant memories. He half smiled to himself as he reminisced. Tears welled up in his eyes. God, he was pathetic. He leaned his head forcefully against the door, a dull thump reverberating through the room. The drop ceiling swam with patterns created by the pooling tears. He felt them stinging hot against his windburned cheeks but didn't care. Nobody was there to see him. He didn't have to be the strong one.

He really was the happy go lucky man he appeared to be on stage. The boundless energy wasn't an act fabricated for the fans. The mischief pulled using the dead mikes, that was all authentic troublemaking, copyright Frank Iero.

But appearing to be problem-free had its downsides. It opened him up to be an automatic consultant for anyone feeling unhappy, or worried, or scared. This was true from the time children began trusting their problems to other children. Since grade school, his friends would often choose to unload on him, rant to him. He wasn't entirely sure why. He was none the wiser, he was only another face in school or on the playground. But he listened attentively, helped them as best he could. Underneath the loud and rambunctious kid he had been, there was always a constant subroutine of concern. He saw the painted on smiles, heard the forced laughs. Even when the act was nearly flawless, he knew better. He worried.

Frank stood up. He needed to _move_, he couldn't just sit here. Drawing a shaky breath, he walked through the apartment without any real intent on doing anything. His mind was in the past.

_He was five years old, staying with a relative a few hours from home. The sun was hot on the skin against the back of his neck. He played with the neighborhood boys, kids he hardly saw but during holidays and sporadic weeks in the summer. But it didn't matter, they were still friends. They had gone on an expedition into a wooded double lot armed with a small, dull pickaxe in search of a fallen log to chop into pieces. Being boys, they weren't content to simply cut a rotting stump. No, they had far more ambition than that. The axe proved to be too dull to cut any standing trees, only chipping the bark and bruising the soft interior. The little tool then became a throwing axe. They would climb a few branches into a tree, and then throw the axe into the ground with as much force as their skinny little arms could muster, attempting to sink it into the ground as far as possible_

_ That's when they discovered the fabulous effect of flint and steel._

_ In throwing their new toy into the ground, it came in contact with a rock. Their eyes lit up as sparks flew at the impact zone. They had excitedly picked up both the rock and the axe, the two oldest boys rushing to take it back to the nearest garage for experimentation_

_ Frank had fallen slightly behind the group, talking lightheartedly with his then-best-friend of the group. He was a boy a few years older than himself. He was tall, freckled with rusty brown hair and brilliant green eyes. He had the slightly bucktoothed appearance of someone in the awkward stage just before losing their last baby tooth. He was ten, perhaps? Age didn't matter in this group. It didn't have to. _

_ They started out innocently enough, taking a detour to visit the little creek that ran through the lots. It was amazing how a few trees could create an oasis in suburbia that seemed endless. They sat on the bank and talked as the minutes slipped past unnoticed, the sun meandering across the sky as if it didn't quite remember where it was going. Frank loved days like these._

_ But then everything changed. Whispered threats, the flash of green eyes. The feeling of skin on skin, he didn't understand why this was happening-_

Frank forced himself back to reality with a sharp gasp. He was done with this. He had been hovering somewhere between closure and disaster for years. He couldn't afford to fall into relapse.

He walked into the bathroom and turned the shower on as hot as it would go. As long as Gerard wasn't here, he might as well use his shower to avoid any potentially awkward flirting and conversation later that day. Frank let the water burn into his skin, keeping the heat on so high it actually became painful. He relished the feeling of the burning, the steam rising around him. Without warning, he turned the stream as cold as it could be. His skin broke out in goosebumps. He gritted his teeth, denying himself the right to shiver.

He was in control. He had to be.


	5. Spoons

Gerard took a deep breath before opening the door to the apartment. He steadied himself and pulled the door open, groceries balanced expertly in hand.

"Frankie I'm back!" He shouted cheerfully.

Frank turned to look at Gerard from his reclined position on the couch. His hair was still damp from the shower, and his clothes clung to his body in a slightly uncomfortable way. He had dressed in a hurry to ensure he was fully clothed before Gerard came home from... grocery shopping, apparently. His head hurt from being bombarded with rapidly shifting polar opposite temperatures of water, but he managed to crack a faint smile.

"Hey!" He called out, in what he hoped was a cheery manner. He eyed the bags in Gerard's hands, standing up from the couch.

"Is that... " he paused over-dramatically, "FOOD?"

Gerard laughed at the desperate look on Frank's face, "Yeah, I figured you would be a little food deprived. And I know how you get when you don't have your food. I got you a special treat, too." He said, pulling out the vegan bacon he had gone through hell to get.

Franks eye's widened. He adored bacon. He let loose a battle cry and ran and snatched the package out of Gerard's hand. It was probably the fastest he had moved all week. Plastic in hand, he ran into the kitchen, tearing it apart with his teeth. Holding the ripped container in his mouth, he dug in the cupboard beside the stove for a frying pan. He placed the pan on the stove, turning the heat up far higher than was necessary to heat the pan as quickly as possible. He threw the thick pink soy strips into the pan a minute later, and was rewarded by a gentle sizzling.

He began humming to himself. Slowly this humming became words in his mind. Before he knew it, he found himself singing a painfully unoriginal song about bacon.

"God daaaaaaaaamn, I love baconnnnnnnnnnn."

He looked over at Gee who seemed cheerfully amused by Franks declaration of love to the bacon.Frank grinned to himself.

"Baconnnnnn motherfuckerrrrrrrr"

At this point, Frank was laughing too hard to even consider continuing his top-40 material song.

Gerard laughed at the plain hilarity of Frank's love song to bacon. He felt kind of bad for depriving him of food while he'd been here. "I've really been neglecting you, haven't I?"

Frank half yelled in response "I have destructive boredom, okay?" He huffed dramatically and put on his best pathetic puppy dog face "It's not my fault." He turned back to the stove, flipping the bacon in the pan.

Gerard walked into the kitchen and started unloading the food. He pulled out a box of Scooby Doo fruit snacks from one of the plastic bags, "I got fruit snacks as well. Want some while you're waiting for your precious bacon to cook?"

Frank whirled around, staring in mock suspicion. Of course Gerard knew all of his favorite foods, but to buy them all at once?

"Why the sudden onslaught of deliciousness?" he asked teasingly.

Gerard ripped open the box and dangled a bag of the gummies in front of Frank's face, "no strings attached, I promise."

Frank grabbed for the package in Gerard's hand just as Gerard pulled it away, just out of his reach.

"HEY!" Frank yelled, half surprised, half playfully frustrated. "NOT FAIR!"

Gerard laughed and climbed onto the nearest chair, dangling the bag above Frank's head, playing on his shortness.

Frank plopped to the floor in mock defeat and narrowed his eyes. He crossed his arms like a frustrated toddler.

"I'm counting to three," he warned.

Gerard raised his eyebrows at Frank, amused that he was making threats, not expecting him to do anything at all.

"one..." He knew Gerard wouldn't take him seriously.

"two..." He couldn't help the twinkle of mischief that crept into his eyes.

"THREE!" he yelled out.

Using as much force as he could muster, Frank kicked the legs of the chair Gee was standing on. His eyes widened with glee as the chair began to tip, Gerard's hands windmilling to attempt and preserve his balance. Frank started laughing the moment it became inevitable and undeniable that Gee would fall.

As Gerard hit the ground, a wave of playful anger hit him, "You do realize that that's MY bacon you're frying there and by the United States law I have a right to take it from you any time I like?" He said mock seriously.

Frank ran over to the stove, reaching his hand into the burning frying pan. He retrieved a piece of bacon and shoved it into his face, the hot faux-meat scalding the inside of his mouth. He chewed furiously and yelled some mumbled curses in the general direction of Gerard. He swallowed monstrously, the hot oil making his eyes water. He looked right at Gee.

"So HA!" he choked out, smugly grinning from ear to ear, pleased with his antics.

Gerard winced, surprised at how desperate Frank was for the bacon. "You're really that in need of food? You must have been distracted by my sexiness this whole time that you forgot to eat. I'm terribly sorry about that." Gerard laughed at himself, "but I really must remember to feed my guests in the future." He said more seriously.

Franks face fell slightly, having not received the round of applause he thought he well deserved. Though he couldn't bring himself to actually be anything like mad about it. He was too over the moon for that.

"Don't flatter yourself, I was food-deprived before I came!" he turned around in a slightly diva-esque manner.

He paused slightly. "Though I may have been _slightly_ distracted, yeah."

Gerard grinned, "Understandable." He threw the bag of fruit snacks at Frank in a moment of sympathy, "I believe this is yours?"

Frank caught the fruit snacks and ripped them open in one fluid motion, still sitting on the floor.

"Thanks." He began separate the little rainbow gummies by color. He arranged them on the floor, though he had no idea how clean it was... or wasn't. He put the reds on the far left, progressing chromatically to purple on the far right.

Gerard laughed at the rearranging of gummies that was going on on his floor "You're an OCD little fucker, aren't you?"

Frank had began eating the gummies in reverse rainbow order, as was customary for him. He stopped, hand halfway to his mouth. He sat up and looked at Gerard in cold silence for a moment, then returned to eating in a half-hearted sort of manner. Of course Gee didn't know. He was stupid for showing it. He really only became process-oriented when he was upset over something. His... episode earlier had upset him. And now he was falling into relapse. First came the obsessive tendencies. Then the alcohol. Then the breakdown.

And here he was again.

Gerard frowned, startled at how genuinely hurt Frank seemed to be over the gummy bears, "I was kidding..." He said softly.

Frank ate in silence for a few moments, eating through the purples, blues, and greens. He ate the yellows, one by one.

"I know. You're hilarious."

Gerard's frown deepened, he didn't know why Frank was acting like this, and it bothered him. He crouched down, almost eye level with him.

"What's wrong." He didn't ask as much as he demanded an answer.

Frank looked up to meet Gerard's eyes. "It's just..." He sighed, cutting himself off. "I don't know." He was being deliberately vague. But he wished Gee would keep pressing him. He wanted to talk about it. But he knew he couldn't.

Gerard tilted Frank's face so that they made eye contact. "What's wrong?"

"Gerard, I...

He stared into those eyes. Those lovely hazel eyes. But hazel was dangerously close to green. A shiver passed nearly unnoticed through his body. He trusted Gerard with anything. He would trust him with his life. So why couldn't he trust him with this?

_Because you know he won't want you after he knows. Nobody has ever wanted you after they've know._ Frank tried to ignore that little voice in the back of his mind. He looked at those wide, trusting eyes and willed himself to somehow mirror that trust. But he couldn't risk the loss.

He gently turned his face, breaking his chin away from Gerard's hand. He would tell him. Just not yet. He wasn't ready to talk about it yet. But he would. After all- he took a slow breath- he loved Gerard.

"I don't want to talk about it right now."

"Bullshit." As soon as Gerard said it, he tried to take it back, grab it out of the air and put it back in his body. He was angry and he didn't know why. He was confused. He was hurt. He didn't know why Frank wouldn't tell him what was wrong. He said he loved him, didn't he want him in his life as much as Gerard did?

Frank bristled at the apparent harshness of Gerard's voice. He looked away. Here he was, about to tell the person he cared about most what he _hated _most about himself. The past he loathed, the touches that had burned across his skin like fire. The constant state of fear, the threats of being locked away in a closet in the basement if he told anyone, anyone at all. And he truly wanted to tell Gerard. But he couldn't just... speak. Not abruptly. He was haunted by his past. He was haunted by love. He hated every moment he wasted thinking about that boy, hated that he hadn't defended himself, or told some adult what was going on. He felt filthy, disgusting. But he loved Gerard so desperately. He wanted to talk. But he couldn't.

"You have no idea what you're even talking about."

Gerard stood up angrily. He was mad and he almost didn't know why. That was a lie, he knew perfectly well what was wrong. He was mad at Frank for not loving him enough to tell him. He was mad at himself for not being good enough. He was too mad. He needed to leave, to calm down.

"You're bacon is burning." He said harshly as he walked away.

Frank pressed his face into his hands, heels of his palms pushing against his eyelids. He pressed so hard that patters began to dance on the back of his eyes. He needed clarity.

"Bacon. Right."

Gerard felt like a toddler on temper tantrum. He felt like breaking something or hitting someone, but instead he drew. He dug his sketch book out from under the couch and let all his feelings pour into the ink. He let his head float away as his hand took out his anger onto the paper.

Frank stared out the window at the street three stories below. He watched the cars go past, cloaked in a gentle shroud of rain and mist. How appropriate, the weather mirrored the feeling in the room perfectly. Had he blown it? After such a brief, fleeting instant of possible peace and happiness and closure and love and...

He noticed his foot tapping, almost subconsciously. Another nervous habit. He began to tap in rhythm, deviating here and there with a few beats of syncopation. A few times his other foot joined in for emphasis. He found himself almost tap dancing.

Jesus, what was he doing? He felt a smile creeping it's way across his face. How had he been utterly forlorn and desolate a second ago, and now he was... dancing? He glanced through the door to of the kitchen to the living room, where Gerard sat hunched over a drawing. They had known each other long enough for Frank to recognize angry Gee when he saw him. He knew his annoying impromptu dance would get Gerard's attention. Maybe even a grudging laugh.

Oh god, he was fabulous at being annoying.

Gerard's ears processed the noise but the sound got lost somewhere on the way to his brain. He was vaguely aware that Frank was doing something but his head wouldn't let him turn to see what it was. He continued scratching the pen against the paper.

Frank saw that Gerard was deeply involved in his work. That was fine, he could try harder. He used his hands to tap out a melody to his discordant symphony, creating something that sounded somewhere between a Native American dance rhythm and Blue Man Group meets Metallica. He actually kind of liked it. Pretty soon, he was lost in the changing of beats and experiments with silence. He started playing with the tempo, accelerating and decelerating as he chose. It was much easier than guitar tempo changes. And there were no key changes to worry about.

Gerard's mind finally registered the noise coming from the kitchen. His eyebrow creased almost subconsciously but he didn't feel anything. The anger was almost gone, still a slightly gnawing presence in the back of his mind, but he wasn't annoyed or curious to see what was going on in his kitchen.

Frank pouted slightly. His usual style of flamboyant obnoxiousness was proving ineffective. He grabbed two spoons and began banging on various surfaces in the kitchen. The metal of the stove, the glass coffee pot, the wooden cabinets, the mugs that made different pitches. He was on fire! The music flowed out of him, expressing his feelings far better than any words could.

And he was using spoons.

Gerard got up, supposing that Frank wanted his attention or something of the like or else he wouldn't be making such a fucking racket. He walked to the kitchen door, leaning against the frame almost tiredly.

"Please don't break anything." He said in a slightly emotionless manner.

Frank twirled around, thrilled with the success of his musical arrangement in pulling Gerard from his angry mental hole. He sometimes had to work for hours.

"I won't!" He chirped, grinning. He threw a spoon, allowing to rotate several times in midair before catching it again. "You know me, I'm always careful."

"Yeah." He responded, tired of Frank's mood swings. "Well if that's all you wanted." He trailed off, turning to walk back into the living room.

Frank's eyes softened as he stared at Gerard's receding back.

"Gerard."

"Yes Frank?" He asked stiffly.

He drew a breath. "I'm sorry." There, he said it. He poured every emotion into those two words, begging Gerard to understand. he loved him, he really did. He wanted to tell him everything. He _would _tell him everything.

Gerard closed his eyes, letting out a soft sigh. "It's okay." He didn't really mean it. He wanted something more. He needed to know that Frank loved him. Because apparently he didn't trust him enough to tell him what was wrong.

"It clearly isn't."

"It's fine, Frank. You have your privacy, if you don't want me to know about whatever that was then..." He trailed off again, suddenly exhausted.

Frank grabbed Gerard's arm and roughly spun him around and forced him to meet his eyes.

"I want you to know. But once you know, you wont want me. You won't want me here, you won't want me in the band, you won't want to even speak to me. And I care about you far too much to let that happen. Call me selfish, but... I need you."

"If you think that I'd ever not want you, Frank, then you don't know me that well." Gerard said coarsely. He didn't know what this was about but he wanted it to be over, he wanted that blissful feeling he had back. Nothing Frank said could make Gerard love him less. He needed Frank to know that but he was almost too tired to talk. He was tired of playing games, of running in circles. He wondered why people couldn't just say how they felt and get it over with. He would have been annoyed if this sudden exahustion hadn't been pressing down on his mind.

Frank leaned his forehead against Gerard's chest, staring at the tiny space between their feet. "Gerard, what do you know of me before I was twelve years old?" He paused, but not long enough to illicit an answer. Because he knew the answer. "Nothing. There's a reason for that."

He buried his head under Gee's chin, resting his ear against the thin fabric of his t-shirt to hear his heartbeat. buries head under chin, resting ear to hear heartbeat

"i can't bear to lose _this_"

A tiny smile broke its way onto Gerard's face. He leaned his face down onto Frankie's head and wrapped his arms around his body. "You won't." He said this so clearly and strongly that it startled him.

"How can you say that? Knowing so little?" Franks voice was muffled against Gerard's warm, protective arms.

Gerard laughed quietly, amused that Frank though he could make him not love him.

"You can't scare me off, Frankie."

Gerard almost didn't catch Frank's faint whisper.

"But i could lose you."


	6. Tables

Frank sat across from Gerard, the cold, impersonal wooden table between them. His hands were folded in front of him, and he was deliberately controlling his breathing. He wanted to appear the picturesque epitome of calm.

Gerard reclined in his chair, observing Frank. He could see tension in the lines in his face, and in the way he held his shoulders tight. He didn't understand why Frank was so afraid. He had nothing to fear.

"So…" He prompted. Frank met his gaze, but made no move to speak. Gerard continued, "Are you ready for this? You don't have to talk yet if you don't want to."

Frank's breathing betrayed him. He drew a shaky breath before answering. "Yeah. I need to talk about it. I think I'm ready. And… you deserve to know." He closed his eyes, inhaling through his nose. His eyes flew open in surprise as he felt Gerard's warm hands encasing him. He had reached across the table and drew his chair closer in, leaning forward on one elbow to be as close to Frank as he could be without encroaching on his personal space. He watched as the knot of his frown untangled slightly, squeezing his hand in reassurance.

"You don't have to be afraid, Frank. I'm here for you. You were there for me in the darkest days of my life. You pulled me out of addiction, depression- you talked me away from suicide. I owe you my life a hundred times over. Nothing could make me pull away from you. I'm here until you force me away."

Frank studied the ceiling very carefully, an act that seemed to be becoming a regular pattern. He bit his lip and looked into Gerard's eyes. He took a deep breath and began to speak.

"I had some family that lives a few hours from here. Not too close, not too far. It was a three, four, sometimes five hour drive. I spent the holidays there, and a few weeks every summer"

Gerard moved to speak, but Frank cut him off. "Please, just let me talk. This is the first time talking about it, and I just need to let it all out." He silently motioned for him to continue.

"We were best friends. He taught me how to play my first computer game, helped me beat the game. We would catch frogs together, watch movies, stay up and tell ghost stories. We were the best friends anyone could imagine. It didn't matter that we rarely saw each other. We knew we had the other to lean on. The five year age gap didn't matter. We were friends."

"I trusted him with everything. I told him all my secrets, confessed all my stupid childish dreams. He told me that I had the potential to be anything. That I could do whatever I wanted, if i just believed. He gave my self confidence. He made me feel important and noticed and..."

His voice trailed off. He had felt so comfortable with him. Which drove home the utter irony of the situation...

He cleared his throat and picked up again. "It started off innocently enough. He would randomly grab my hand and we'd skip together. He'd ruffle my hair. Eventually he'd kiss me on the cheek, and ask for a kiss in return. I was comfortable with all that. You saw friends doing it, brothers doing it, it happened on TV all the time."

"I still remember the first time he actually kissed me. We were sitting in the back of his father's car. His father was a crazy drunk, so driving anywhere with him was terrifying. We had been searching for little shells and these ping pong ball sized seed pods we called buckeyes, along the river, maybe ten minutes away. We got in the car as his wretched old man took a piss, and he sat next to me in the back seat. He told me to be very still, and put one hand on the back of my neck. He leaned in and kissed me, gently at first. I froze. Every cell in my body knew this wasn't what friends did. This wasn't okay. I tried to look away, pull away. His green eyes flashed and he grabbed me around the arm and pulled my hair back. He told me if I told anyone... he'd tell his father. And he told me his father would kill me."

Frank paused, looking at Gerard to gauge his reaction. Gerard kept his face carefully still, unsure of what he should be feeling in a situation like this but inside his heart was twinging with pain, pain that Frank thought that he wouldn't love him because of this, pain that Frank had to deal with this, and most of all pain that Frank put on a smile every day and acted like everything was all right. He wanted to take him up in his arms and tell him that everything would be okay, just hold him and make it all go away but he didn't know what Frank was feeling, if it was all right if he did.

He drew a breath and continued. "Things... progressed from there. The things he made me do..." he shuddered involuntarily. "The threats got worse and worse. An open-palmed blow to the side of the face. I was terrified."

"And then he moved. I never saw him again. But I retained that feeling. That fear. That I was dirty, disgusting, unworthy. I felt so utterly filthy from his very touch, his eyes on me. The memories are seared onto the back of my skull. I felt like a leper."

"Then... _you._"

Franks throat began to tighten. He didn't trust his voice to continue on. He looked around the room, looking anywhere but Gee's eyes. He was afraid of what he'd find there. Repulsion, regret, disgust... he didn't know if he could take it.

Gerard didn't care if Frank didn't want him there, he couldn't stand not being able to comfort him. He let go of Franks hand and awkwardly scrambled over the table separating them, wrapping an arm around him and pulling him close.

"You aren't filthy. You will never be filthy to me, and I hate it that you think you would be." He said softly.

Frank still hadn't met his eyes.

Gerard rested his head on Frank's shoulder, "I still love you." He said.

Frank turned around and buried his face in his chest.

"I love you too. I love you so much." He couldn't vocalize how much Gerard meant to him. He didn't understand how someone so utterly perfect and good could love someone like... him. but he was content to know that he did. At this point, that was enough for him.


	7. Blankets

Gerard and Frank sat in comfortable silence on the worn out leather couch, Gerard's arm slung around Franks shoulders. Abandoned dishes lay on the coffee table in front of them, displaying remnants of their dinner.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Gerard asked, tilting his head slightly to look at Frank.

Frank laughed quietly, "Right now? I'm amazed. Amazed that you're sitting here, that you didn't push me out that door and never talk to me again. But overall, I'm tired, Gee. I'm exhausted. I haven't slept properly for weeks and..." He trailed off, rubbing his forehead. "Yeah, I'm tired."

Gerard pointed to the hallway that led to his bedroom, " Well there's a bed in there, feel free to have nap time."

Frank looked at Gerard with a slightly puzzled stare. "But... That's your bed."

"And?"

"Well... aren't you going to sleep in it tonight?"

"Well, I usually do." Gerard responded, laughing slightly.

Was Gerard giving him permission to sleep in his bed tonight? Surely not. That would be... He had to ask. To confirm.

"And you're okay if I sleep there too?" He emphasized the word _too_, hoping Gerard meant they would be sleeping there together.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Gerard asked, a sarcastic frown creasing his forehead.

Frank stared at his fingernails with sudden interest. "I don't know..." He looked slightly awkward, but with a hopeful expression that couldn't be denied.

Gerard laughed at Franks apparent nervousness, "You're fucking adorable, I hope you know that. Now get your ass in that bed."

_Was that... an order?_ Frank blushed as he stood up from the couch. He managed to mutter something that sounded like "okay," and couldn't help the small smile that had began creeping its way to his lips.

He walked into Gerard's bedroom, shutting the door behind him. He pulled off his jeans and threw them into a crumpled heap on the floor, exchanging them for far more comfortable flannel pajama pants. He wore an oversize, baggy misfits tee that dwarfed his slight frame even farther.

He pulled back Gerard's sheets and covers, smiling lopsidedly at the ragtag mess of quilts and and flannel tie blankets. It was as if Gerard slept in some sort of den, surrounded by years and years of handmade quilts. He snuggled down under several layers of cloth, burying his face into the pillow. He inhaled deeply, so utterly content in this perfect moment. Before he knew it, his eyelids were growing heavy and he lost the will to move, even think.

Gerard looked around the living room for his sketch book, desperately needing to pour his feelings into something. After digging under old pizza boxes and piles of abandoned clothing, he realized it was in his room, "Shit." he muttered. He rolled his eyes and quietly padded into his bedroom. "Don't mind me." He whispered, glancing around the room for any sign of his sketch pad.

Frank rolled over in a sleep induced haze.

"Gerard?" He called out

Gerard mumbled something that sounded vaguely like a 'yes' as he continued to rummage through his junk filled closet.

Frank pulled the blankets up over his nose and mouth, only his eyes showing over the top of the covers.

"Come here." His voice was slightly muffled, but there was the unmistakable overtone of a devious plan inflected in those two words.

Gerard smiled slightly and stepped away from the closet. He turned around and an ecstatic grin broke onto his face at the sight of Frank buried under the covers. He laughed and jumped in bed next to him, pulling blankets onto himself.

Frank moved closer to Gerard, snuggling up under his arm. He lay his head on his chest, extremely content with the arm resting casually around him. He could stay like this for weeks on end.

Gerard wrapped his arms around Frank tighter, moving him so they were closer. He smiled and bent to kiss him on the top of his head.

"Gerard?"

"Mhmm?" He responded, muttering into Franks hair.

Frank forced himself to pull away and propped himself up on one arm, moving the hair from his eyes with a casual flick of his head. He searched Gee's face, holding eye contact a second longer than he intended to. It was far too easy to lose his way in those eyes. He noted the way the half-clean red locks framed the outline of his cheekbone. The way his skin looked. That look he was giving him right now. All of him.

"You..." he began. He knew what he meant to say, but lacked the proper eloquence to do poetic justice to the man lying across from him. "You are amazing."

He leaned in and kissed him softly, not giving him time to respond. He knew he would deny it.

Gerard smiled against Frank's lips, a sudden warmth growing inside of him. His fingers laced through Frank's hair, cupped his neck, and trailed their way over his shoulders. His heart was drumming in his chest hard enough to ache, but a good kind of ache. Like the ache you feel when your favorite band plays their best song.

Frank rolled so he was halfway on top of Gee, one hand resting gently on his chest, the other pulling his head upward into his by the back of the neck. He deepened the kiss, losing himself entirely in the moment. He thought he would explode from the emotion cavorting about his chest. This feeling... it had to be something dangerously close to love. Not just the heat of the moment, not lust, not animalistic passion. Love.

Gerard drew a deep breath through his nose, propping them both up with one arm, the other slung around Frank's neck. Emotions flooded him, happiness, bliss, love, the list was almost endless. But most of all, he was at peace. All the feelings that usually cluttered his brain were gone. He was devoid of the blackness that usually consumed his life.

Frank moved to straddle Gerard. Gerard leaned back against the wall behind his bed. He pulled Frank closer to him, grabbing the sides of his frayed Misfits shirt.

Frank began unbuttoning Gerard's crisp black button down shirt, starting at the collar. He kissed the newly exposed skin, running his hands over every available inch.

Gerard was suddenly overwhelmed with a sense of delusion. He wondered if this was all a dream, some cruel trick his mind was playing on him. He paused, smothered by fear that this was mere fantasy.

Frank sensed Gerard's hesitation. He pulled back and looked at him questioningly, searching for explanation in his eyes.

Gerard brushed the feeling off, shaking his head and leaning back in. Frank kissed him briefly, but worried. Was he taking things too fast? Was he doing something wrong? He pulled back even farther, too far for Gerard to simply kiss him again.

"What's wrong?" He inquired.

"I thought it was a dream." Gerard replied, slightly confused by reality.

Frank kept his face in a mask of perfect composure, but before he could even fully establish any degree of seriousness, he burst out laughing. He was relieved that he wasn't the only one feeling that he was living in a fantasy world. He let his arms to cease supporting him and fell forward onto Gee's bare chest. His laughter died away, but he remained there, lying comfortably atop Gerard an ear to his chest. He traced a single finger down his side.

"You know, you're kind of... beautiful." Frank blushed as the words escaped him. He had meant to make that observation in the privacy of his own mind, but somehow the words slipped out.

Gerard ignored the compliment, instead pouting at the fact Frank had laughed at him. "You weren't supposed to laugh." He said, comically hurt.

Frank looked up a little too quickly, slightly worried that Gerard had misinterpreted his laughter. "No! I laughed because I was thinking the same thing. You're too perfect to be real."

Gerard wrapped his arms around Frank, suddenly realizing that Frank had come in here to sleep and was probably exhausted. "You're supposed to be sleeping." He said quietly. .

"Only if you stay with me," Frank replied.

"I don't think I could leave if I wanted to." Gerard said, and it was true. Right here, with Frank, was the happiest he had been in a while. Leaving would be absurd.

"Then don't."

Frank looked up to meet Gerard's eyes.

Gerard stared down into Frank's eyes, smiling. "I won't."

Frank sighed contentedly as he closed his eyes.

"I'll hold you to it."

Gerard, smile still plastered to his face, let his body relax into the pillows as his hand traced patterns into Frankie's back.


	8. Nightime Knocking

**Author's Note**

Sorry for the delay everyone! Things have been a little slow with the end of the school year and such, but we should be getting back to posting on a regular basis. Thank you to everyone who has favorited and reviewed, it means so much to us! Hope you enjoy it, and we'll be back again soon!

-Sarah

* * *

><p>Gerard lay with his arm still wrapped around Frank's waist, Frank's back pressed against his chest. Their heads both lay on the same pillow, Gerard's deep breaths occasionally tousling Frank's soft black hair. Blankets lay strewn around them, in a sort of nest-like manner.<p>

Frank opened his eyes slowly. In his dream, there had been a pounding. An arrhythmic sort of staccato that pierced his ears, sinking all the way down to his dreams. He grasped at the last shimmery, summer-colored remains of the dream, but they slipped away. The pounding continued. He rolled over, only noticing the arm that lay over him once it was no longer present. He knew he was in Gerard's bed. He looked into Gerard's face, noticing the way his forehead creased as his eyebrows furrowed.

"What time is it?" Frank asked groggily. He attempted to rub the blur of sleep out of his eyes to read the clock, but to no avail.

Gerard groaned and rolled over, groggily staring at the blinking digital clock by his bed. "Three." He replied angrily. "Who the fuck is at my door? This better be an emergency because some one's getting their ass whopped if it's not."

Gerard moved to get out of bed, but Frank pressed a hand to his chest. Gerard instantly reversed his upward momentum, looking down at Frank. His eyes traced the dark circles under Frank's eyes, noticed the tired lines of worry on his face.

"They'll probably go away eventually. Just... come back and let them knock." Frank grabbed Gerard's hand. He was exhausted. He couldn't care less who was banging on Gee's apartment door at three in the morning.

All thoughts of answering the goddamn door left Gerard's head as Frank pulled him back into bed. He wrapped his arms back around Frankie, pulling the blankets up to cover them again. He closed his eyes, trying to shut out the annoying pounding. Frank fell back asleep almost instantly. Gerard wasn't sure if he had ever been fully conscious in the first place. His breathing became even and regular, but the pounding continued, becoming even more frantic. A shrill, female voice began to force its way through the solid door.

"Gerard? Gerard open the fucking door! I know you're in there, don't even try and ignore me again!"

"Shit." He muttered. He knew that voice. He softly pushed Frank off of him, careful not to wake him. He slid off the bed, pulling a worn stripped tee over his head as he walked to the door. "What do you want?" He asked quietly, not opening the door any further than the linked chain would let him.

Her eyes were wild, her hair a mess. She looked like she had been to hell, back, and to hell again. And had chosen not to leave. Her dark eyes were sunken back into their sockets, and her bucked front teeth gave her the appearance of a grimacing skull. Her makeup was caked on so think he wasn't sure any amount of hot water could remove it. Or even hydrochloric acid, for that matter. A hand flew threw the crack in the door and latched on to the front of his shirt, a skinny arm pulling him forcefully forward, the door chain pressing into his chin. A chipped red talon pointed right between his eyes.

"How _dare _you." Her voice was rough and modulating, as was typical for an addict of her type. Her eyes moved wildly about, not focusing on anything in particular. She was high, she had to be. "You think you can get away that easy, do you?" Spit flew from her shrieking mouth. Gerard thought he heard Frank roll over in the bed. He made hushing noises, but her voice only increased in volume "Well I'm back, baby boy, and ain't no way you're getting away this time!"

"Christina, Christina calm down." He said as softly as he could, keeping his voice a steady whisper. "What do you want?"

Her grip tightened on the front of his shirt. She leaned into the crack of the door, attempting to force her face through. It pulled the skin taunt against her face, making her brown eyes bulge out like a bug. "I want you, baby. And I'll follow you to the ends of the earth. You thought you got rid of me, huh? Well I'm back. And I'll never leave." She started giggling uncontrollably, releasing the front of Gerard's shirt. She gave him an exaggerated wink, squeezed her eyes shut, opened her mouth, and screamed as loudly as she possibly could.

Gerard gritted his teeth against the noise, only concerned with the possibility, no certainty, of Frank waking up. "Get away from me, Christina," He said as harshly as he could, ice filling up his voice, "get away from me and don't come back." He slammed the door and walked quickly back to the bedroom. He knew that telling her off like that would never work, she would most definitely be back. But he needed her to go away, at least for now.

She bared her teeth at the back of the door. He thought he had won.

He didn't know what he was getting himself into.

Gerard climbed back into the warm bed, pressing himself against Frank. He sighed as his head hit the pillow. He turned around to face Frank, pushing a lock of hair out of his tired face.

"Sorry about that, babe." He said softly

Frank opened one eye to look at Gerard. "Sorry about what?" he asked, yawning.

Gerard laughed quietly, Frank could literally sleep through anything.

"Nothing." Gerard said, wrapping his arms around Frank and pulling him closer. He opened both eyes and turned to face Gee fully.

"No, really, what happened?" he inquired again. "Did you kick me in your sleep or something?" He playfully kicked what he believed to be Gerard's shins under the covers.

Gerard sarcastically gasped, pretending to be appalled. "I would never!" He said, shoving Frank playfully. "No I would never ever kick you, just someone I used to know at the door. Don't worry about it."

"Okay...?" He replied questioningly, inviting Gerard to elaborate.

"Go back to sleep." He whispered, kissing his cheek softly.

Frank couldn't help the way his heartbeat accelerated, or the flush that decided to grace his cheeks. He felt incredibly childish. How could he be moved to blush by a kiss on the cheek?

"Okay... " He said, a little breathlessly. "That sounds incredibly appealing right now." Not the sleeping part, but the sleeping in the same bed as Gerard part.

He snuggled back into the blankets, surrounding himself by what looked like horse-print fleece and a crocheted quilt. He shot an arm out from under the blankets, pulling the pillow over his head to the way he was accustomed to sleeping.

"Goodnight," he mumbled again, slightly muffled by the pillow. He wasn't even sure if Gerard had heard him.

Gerard lay with his head resting on the mattress for a while, the pillow currently occupied by Frank's odd sleeping habits. He shifted around for a while, trying to get comfortable and finally ended up with both his hands awkwardly folded under his head

Frank realized with a mental jerk that he was currently stealing the one and only pillow on the bed. He pulled his head out from under its soft velvety surface and shoved it over towards Gerard.

"Sorry," he said with genuine apology in his voice, "Here you go."

Gerard smiled and stuck his tongue out at Frankie, rolling onto the soft pillow.

Frank rolled in to face Gerard, their faces mere inches apart as they rested on the same pillow. He could see every emotion that played across Gee's face, even the nearly undetectable crinkling around the corners of his eyes that always foreshadowed a smile. He sighed contentedly, eyes falling shut in a combination of exhaustion and sheer contentment.

Gerard rolled his eyes at the ceiling and bit his lip in frustration, mentally cursing at nothing in particular, possibly his inability to hold on to a romantic moment. He stayed in that position for a while, unable to fall back to sleep.

Franks entire body relaxed as his consciousness left him. He had been running too hard for far too long. He soon began breathing slowly and evenly, nearly entirely asleep.

A few minutes later Gerard heard a soft murmuring coming from the supposedly sleeping Frank.

"What?" Gerard whispered, afraid to wake Frank if he was sleep talking, as he had a tendency to do.

Frank cracked one eye and looked at Gerard. He smiled in a half-awake manner and scooched himself closer to Gee, nuzzling his nose against Gerard's.

"I love you," he mumbled, smiling to himself as he said it. He pulled back to gauge Gerard's reaction. He saw something dancing just behind Gee's lovely eyes, so he assumed the statement was well taken. He quickly rolled over and let out an exaggerated snore, quickly falling back asleep.

Gerard chuckled quietly to himself, burying his face in Frank's soft hair and pulling him closer. "I love you too." He whispered quietly, more to himself than to Frank.


End file.
